


Followed

by Ellstra



Series: Until the end of the line [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Relationship, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2591705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve always followed Bucky, looked up to him and worshipped him.<br/>And Bucky followed Captain America who may or may not be the Steve Rogers he used to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Followed

**Author's Note:**

> Until the end of the line is a series about Steve/Bucky relationship. The names of the stories are taken from names of chapters of the Host novel.  
> Also, it took me eternity to write this one but I hope to post the next one soon.

Bucky was always staying close to Steve, since childhood he was by his side to protect him from whatever might come. It was their silent agreement that Steve would follow him everywhere which – as Bucky hoped – should keep him as safe as possible. It would be a lie if somebody said Bucky didn’t expect Steve to enlist in the army after he himself would be draught. Sure, Steve was all head over heels to go help in the war, no matter how pointless that seemed, but as long as Bucky stayed in Brooklyn, Steve would stay too even if he’d complain about it.

When he was called for medical evaluation and passed with no problems, he cursed himself for not thinking about marrying some girl – because he had no shortage of girls willing to put a ring on his finger – and have a child or two just as a safeguard. He would get some more months with Steve before they sent all the single, healthy young men to their deaths, but he was holding too tight on Steve to be this careful. He was too selfish, too sure of himself and it only served him right that he got draught. What he truly regretted though was Steve’s promise he would follow him to Europe as he always did.

Bucky was furious when he thought about it all. Why should some woman, who could be independent and live without her husband be a better excuse for staying at home than a scrawny best friend with endless list of awful illnesses with even nastier names, nobody to turn to and false, idealistic view of the world? Steve was adult so there was nothing to do, but had Steve been underage, Bucky could adopt him and keep them both together and safe. Of course, even then, Steve would attempt to get as close to Barnes as possible after he would be taken for training, but it would take him longer. 

Bucky wanted to break every obstacle that was thrown their way; and not just those that divided them physically but also those that kept them apart even when they lay curled in each other’s arms in the same bed. Bucky realised that many things changed at war, the line between right and wrong was shifted far from where it had been back in normal life, what had been a crime back in civilian life was easily ignored in the mud and cold of the front.

Barnes hated himself for even considering this, for even thinking about doing this when he knew rules were everything for Steve. He loathed himself but he couldn’t stop fantasising about what it would be like if he could touch Steve like he wanted, if he didn’t have to worry about being seen affectionate towards his best friend. He imagined whispering sweet words of love and admiration into Steve’s ear, he dreamed about being completely honest, declaring his love for Steve, the love that has been burning within him for long years.

It was excruciating to think about everything he would never get but the pain was keeping it real. Because Bucky had learned that about pain a lot time ago – agony is the only thing you can always count on to be real. So that every time Bucky looked at Steve who was following him like a shadow, prepared to die if Bucky asked him to, he understood that his love for Steve was real.

When Rogers told him he wasn’t allowed to the army for the first time, Bucky forced himself to act cool and pretend like it was not a big deal. He was cracking bad jokes, convincing Steve that nothing was really going to change, but he was screaming internally. Because if there was something he feared more than watching Steve die in his arms, it was being separated and isolated. But he didn’t say anything of course. He never did because Steve would lose his faith that Bucky was his knight in shining armour, and that could never happen.

He knew Steve would not appreciate what he had planned for their last night together in Brooklyn; to be honest he didn’t like it either. But he had to be joyful and hope it would fool Steve; he was just going away for a trip, for a holiday and he’d be back before Steve would notice he had gone. The night shouldn’t be special because it would seem he was leaving for good. Bucky was not delusional enough to believe Steve would fall for it but he was desperate. He watched Steve staring at his uniform longingly and he wished he could wake such emotions in Steve himself; naked or in his normal clothes rather than in uniform. But whatever was going on in Steve’s heart, the uniform had a big part in it.

Bucky wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry when Steve ran away from the girls and tried to enlist in one last, futile attempt to stay together with Bucky. Barnes knew he was just a part of the reason for Steve’s trying but it was easier to bear the idea of leaving if he thought Steve cared for him this much. It was the last time they saw each other before Bucky left for Europe. In that last words and embrace Bucky tried to show Steve how much he loved him without making it sound like the last farewell.

...

Steve knew that Bucky didn’t enlist sooner just because of him and it made him furious. Not at Bucky of course, he could never be mad at Bucky, but at himself. He didn’t deprive the war effort of one pair of hands that were too weak to carry a gun but also of one that was too afraid of leaving him behind. On one hand he was happy Bucky was still with him, he was the only person, thing; _everything_ Steve had left and he dreaded their separation. But he knew it was unfair and selfish of him to cling onto Bucky that much when there were other men leaving their friends, fiancées, parents, siblings. It was just that Bucky had nobody else but Steve and vice versa. They needed each other. Bucky might have been leaving behind only one person instead of a dozen like others, but that one person was more precious.

Steve couldn’t bear the idea of seeing Bucky’s uniformed back breaking off the connection they’ve always had. Steve couldn’t recall the time without Bucky, they’d always been together. Steve was determined to keep it that way. He was desperate and hopeless that night he tried to enlist for the fifth time. He didn’t really believe the situation would change and he’d be miraculously cured from all his illnesses that impeded his joining the army but he had to try. He had to do something because Bucky was leaving and Steve might never see him again.

That was the night when Dr. Erskine found him and changed his life forever. Steve wrote many letters to Bucky and the answers were short and came scarcely. Steve knew that Bucky could not write very often from the front and he knew it would drive him insane if he wasn’t in the army already. The training was difficult. He was tiny and sick and it didn’t escape other recruits’ attention. He was determined not to give them what they wanted – his humiliation. He was very careful not to cry when anyone could hear him and he never let anybody see how much he depended on Bucky’s letters.

He stopped writing when he didn’t receive an answer to four of his letters. It was pointless because Bucky obviously couldn’t read them. That way, Bucky was never informed about Steve becoming Captain America, about his ridiculous and demeaning tour around the States. When he finally got to the front – still as a clown what the soldiers unlike the women back home knew just as well as Steve – he didn’t even know how close he was to seeing Bucky again.

It was an incredible coincidence that agent Carter told him about the 107th regiment going missing. If Steve considered rebelling against his orders before, nothing could stop him now. Bucky was missing; Bucky was in danger. Bucky needed Steve to save him and Steve was finally able to execute his task. Nothing could stop Captain America from becoming Steve Rogers again and go after the only thing that truly mattered.

Steve never let the idea of Bucky killed creep into his mind. When he found him nearly dead and definitely weakened and brain-washed in HYDRA’s base, when he took his fragile friends body into his arms, he realised his change for the first time. He had no one to compare himself to before; he could have pretended all the other people were even sicker and tinier than him. But holding Bucky in his arms instead of being held was the final proof.

Saving the remains of the 107th regiment was an act of disobedience but they couldn’t possibly punish him for saving so many lives. Captain America became a real hero – not just a brought-to-live comics character who never fought in a battle. Men adored him and they would kill to become his wing man or at least a member of his elite unit. Steve didn’t pay attention to false flattery and hollow words; they might not see it but he was a human with personal preferences. Once Bucky was fit for duty again, there could have been no competition concerning the position of Steve’s right hand. Bucky had had Steve’s back ever since and he was the only one Steve trusted completely.

From that point their positions changed. Even though Bucky was hardly as defenceless as Steve used to be, he was the weak one compared to Captain America. Steve often asked Bucky’s opinion and for his advice, but Bucky was sure he did it only as an act of compassion and friendship. He realised painfully that it was the same as when he asked Steve to help him with shopping; he didn’t help a single bit, sometimes even slowed down but he had purpose. Bucky was now this obstacle and burden but compared to the omnipotent Captain America, everybody was a weakling.

Bucky was following Steve even that fateful day of his fall. It was Steve’s idea, Steve’s plan, Steve went first. Bucky was closest to him again, protecting him as best as he could even though it was hardly necessary. He didn’t know these were the last moments of either of them following the other. From then on, they would be equal – frozen to be preserved for other times and to meet again to destroy each other. Or to save maybe.

 


End file.
